tough on grime

I began the depressing task of writing my personal statement today. Either I try to write it ‘personally’ and end up in a state of intense self hating (who the hell is this twat I keep writing about?) or I try to make the process less painful by distancing myself, in which case it ceases to be a personal statement and becomes a long and dull thesaurus entry. Yes, more dull than the normal thesaurus entry would be.

In one attempt to spice it up I tried to write in some snippets of rhetoric.  When read in the right tone of voice, it is surprisingly effective. To the extent that my first paragraph had so much demagoguery and rhetoric in it that after my mum read it I could barely restrain my self from shouting ‘Seig Heil!’ Perhaps I should rewrite my application to be aimed at a Natural Sciences course ‘specialising in social darwinism’.

It did get me thinking though about how we should be reusing some of the great speeches. If not in our personal statements, then elsewhere. Having read about Tony Blair’s £20mil brand, I couldn’t help thinking a little retrospective commercialisation could top up that small fortune. Sponsership with fairyliquid for the motto, “tough on grime, tough on the causes of grime”

Anyone who has listened to Belfast City Beat Radio station will be very glad that Chamberlain announced the outbreak of war on the advert free BBC. A local radio equivalent would have run something like this:

“This morning the British Ambassador in Berlin handed the German Government a final note stating that unless we heard from them by 11.00 a.m. that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us.

It’s nearly 11 o’clock, maybe it’s time to PHONE A CAB! North South East or West, 90 33 33 33″

Not that Churchill’s fantastic war time speeches would fare this commercialisation much better if his namesake insurance company had anything to do with it.

we shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender ,

*All policies exclude Northern Ireland

Funnily enough the comparatively small number of soldiers recruited in Northern Ireland and the lack of conscription, as well as the fact Northern Ireland had recently been offered to the Republic in exchange for a declaration of war against Germany, might indicate that this disclaimer may not have been far from the truth!

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